31 May 2011

Goldilocks and the three bears retelling

Today we worked on using other connectives than 'and then.' We had to use words like after that, next, so, in fact, but, now, quickly, finally and first. We also had to remember the sequence of the story and how to use speech marks.

Once upon a time there were three bears. The first bear was a Father Bear and there was also a Mother bear and a good Baby bear. On the other side of the forest there was Goldilocks. One day the three bears made some porridge but Father Bear said " my porridge is too hot" so they all went for a walk so it cools down. When they were gone, Goldilocks saw a rabbit so she chased it until she was lost. Her mother had said "do not go in to the woods" but she forgot that. Next she spied a house. It looked perfect so she knocked on the door but no one was there. So she went inside and she saw Father Bear's porridge.  
By Connor

There was a little girl called Goldilocks. She ran to the bears house and spied in at the window. She saw a little, middle and big bowl. Goldilocks opened the big door. She said "hello?" Next Goldilocks crept in the house. After that her tummy growled. She was about the gobble the big bowl of porridge, but it was too hot. Secondly, she was about to gobble the medium porridge but it was too gooey and cold. She tried to gobble the little bowl of porridge and it was fantastic.         By Harold

Once upon a time, there were three bears called Father bear, Mother bear and Baby bear. Mother bear made porridge. She put it into Father bear's bowl and her bowl. It was too hot and so Mother bear said "we should go for a walk." So the three bears went for a walk and along came Goldilocks. She went inside and she saw all the porridge. She tried all the porridge. She tried Baby bear's porridge. It was just right. So she went into the living room. She tried Father bear's chair, but it was too high. She tried Mother bear's chair but it was too soft. So she tried Baby bear's chair. It was just right, but it broke so she went upstairs. She tried Father bear's bed but it was too hard. So she tried Mother bear's bed but she fell into it. She tried Baby bear's bed and it was just right. She fell asleep and the bears came home from their walk.        By Amisha
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1 comment:

  1. When I read your Goldilocks retelling, immediately I was sooooo interested. Subsequently I was amazed at your wonderful connectives.

    Well done you super smart brainy munchkins.

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